We all experience lapses in self control. For a teenager who is struggling with other emotional issues, however, even a small lapse—whether in the form of procrastinating, eating something not on the diet, or engaging in a compulsive behavior—can create a sense of defeat, adding to her feelings of depression and worthlessness.
Adoption is a beautiful and redemptive event, but it’s one that does involve loss. For the child, the loss is not remembered but it’s also not forgotten; it can operate as an invisible force and, therefore, has to be brought to consciousness so that it can be dealt with. Often there is loss on both sides—the parents inability to have children and the child’s loss of her biological family. For the teen, we work to help her realize that she is continuing to behave as if she is going to be abandoned at any moment. We try to help her understand the very real (but until then mysterious) source of her fears, and then to distinguish between real and imagined threats of abandonment.
When parents reach a point where occasional arguing morphs into chronic defiance, they may not have any opportunities to make relational deposits. A chronically defiant teen will simply not allow positive interactions. It’s at this point, when lost ground cannot be recovered, that outside help from a therapist, clergy person or other trusted adult may be necessary for a parent to regain positive access to the relational account.
For a stressed-out teen, lifelong stress-management practices might include DBT techniques, yoga, moderate daily exercise, dietary adjustments (favoring whole, unprocessed foods including fruits and vegetables), meditation, time-management skills, and—of course—keeping a pet!
Many experts agree that the negative effects of anger can be minimized by addressing the emotion in an honest, non-reactive manner. While ranting and raging tend to actually increase, rather than alleviate, anger (according to some studies), the healthy expression of anger can actually reduce its intensity and keep it from festering. In fact, the healthy communication of your full range of emotions—including anger—can be a critical part of your difficult teen’s healing process.
Along with the primary effects that may come with learning differences, secondary effects may occur such as low self-esteem, depression, social isolation, anger, low school performance, and so forth. Sometimes these secondary effects mask the primary issue—a learning disability.
By the time a parent suspects that their child’s use of screen-based technology is excessive, it generally is! At this point, a parent needs to know, believe, and understand they are in charge—even if the child is an adolescent or a young adult living dependently at home.
Like any crisis, a mental health emergency—whether depression, violence, self-harm, psychosis or addiction—is generally symptomatic of a deeper, more pervasive dysfunction. Our tendency with family mental health emergencies, though, is to just treat the symptoms and—once those are addressed—get on with living the same life that caused those symptoms in the first place.
For parents of older teens struggling with behavioral or emotional problems, that teen’s 18th birthday may come to represent some terrifying realities. Many parents fear a loss of parental control; or the symbolic and actual loss of their “little girl,” or “little boy;” or loss of legal guardianship and the modicum of protection that comes along with it.
When we are motivated to be involved in relationships we’re being driven to something that creates some of the most joy and peace in life: connectedness. Most of us want to connect and most of us want to be accepted by others. We just need to channel our efforts to meet these needs in a healthy direction. That’s what we aim for with enmeshed relationships at Sunrise, to redirect relational energy in a direction that will bring out the most peace, connection, and growth possible.
Those in enmeshed relationships are often the last to see it. But with awareness you can start to recognize some of the signs: 1. If you cannot not tell the difference between your own emotions and those of a person with whom you have a relationship. 2. If you feel like you need to rescue someone from their emotions. 3. If you feel like you need someone else to rescue you from your own emotions. 4. If you and another person do not have any personal emotional time and space.
If you suspect your child might be suffering from an emotional problem such as chronic depression (dysthymia), major depressive disorder, seasonal affective disorder or any of the several types of depression, alert your mental health provider (preferably one with experience diagnosing and treating teens) immediately.
Whether your teen has been gone for a night or a week, running away is a serious issue that should be addressed immediately and unequivocally. When a child’s whereabouts are unknown, the adults responsible for them cannot provide for their well-being. In addition, high-risk behaviors and victimization can occur in many runaway scenarios. The following tips can help parents intervene effectively to interrupt new or chronic runaway behavior.
Following are some strategies that can help you make your way through this challenging time without being overwhelmed by its seeming enormity. These four simple strategies will help you with two critical tasks: learning to take better care of yourself and embracing hope—i.e. knowing that somehow, things will get better.
This holiday weekend we will celebrate the independence and freedom of our nation. Everyone knows the price of freedom required great sacrifice on the parts of our forefathers and servicemen & women. Chances are most of us will not be asked to sacrifice our lives to defend our country’s freedoms, but what about freedom in [...]
Even diagnosed emotional and behavioral disorders are often linked to personality traits that can have a very positive expression. Knowing this can help you avoid misguided attempts to quash personality traits in your adolescent that may just be temporarily misdirected. It can also help you be an encouragement to your child when he or she is struggling and can’t see the other side of things.
Short term, living on the edge a bit can help teens formulate their own adult identity, develop competencies and passions, and move forward in their journey toward independence. Long term, however, an immoderate way of life is associated with anxiety, unhappiness, health problems and even a shorter life span. As parents, we can’t—and shouldn’t—quash our teenager’s appetite for intensity. We can, however, temper and guide it.
Strong Fathers and Strong Daughters Recently, I have been thinking more and more how I can influence my daughter in a positive direction. Yea, I know you are thinking, Jack, your daughter is just one. You are right; however, it is never to earlier or too late to have a positive lasting impact on our [...]
Unlike a visit to the dentist—“open, rinse, say ahhh, spit”—the rules for a psychotherapy session are not so simple or clear. Most therapists are unlikely to give you step by step instructions for engaging the session—“talk about your mother, cry, tell me a story from your childhood.” That’s partly because it’s the nature of psychotherapy for the patient or client to “show up” and initiate topics, set the initial direction, and open up.
But that can be very difficult, especially if therapy is new to you or if trust is one of the issues you’re going to therapy to address. The question of how to “do” therapy is further complicated by the fact that there are many different therapeutic techniques, modalities, and styles out there, each one requiring a different type and level of patient involvement.
The average screen time for children and adolescents aged 8 – 18 now stands at a whopping 7 hours and 38 minutes per day! Given that this behavior occurs 7 days a week, this means that many children are spending as much or more time watching a screen as their parents spend at work.
Undiagnosed, the difficulty completing tasks, focusing, and staying organized can lead a young woman to feel confused, frustrated, depressed, and “dumb.” However, when properly diagnosed ADHD can be effectively addressed through coaching, instruction, counseling, accommodations, diet, and sometimes medication. It can be an enormous relief for a young woman to realize that there is an explanation for her longstanding social, emotional, and learning difficulties—an explanation that can be effectively treated.
Socially contagious behaviors include bullying; dangerous games such as the choking game, high-risk dares, and drinking games, hitting games, etc.; promiscuity or high-risk sexual behaviors; eating disordered behaviors such as binging, chronic overeating, purging or restricting; drug and alcohol abuse; cutting and other forms of self-harm; and almost any other negative behavior that occurs with frequency among adolescents.
While more severe forms of ASD require specialized care, many children and teens with Asperger’s disorder find themselves in mainstream settings and/or more broad-based treatment programs. This approach increases the young person’s access to normalized social situations in which they can learn better social skills experientially through contact with a more diverse peer population.
Parents and others concerned with the safety of young people do well to understand trends in the use of legal and easily accessed intoxicants. Information can help parents and others detect dangerous substance abuse and, just as importantly, engage their teen with accurate information and informed concern.
Since thousands upon thousands of everyday substances can, in adequate dosages, cause an altered mental, emotional, or physical state, it’s impossible to catalogue all of them. It’s also impossible for parents or law enforcement to entirely stay ahead of, monitor, or regulate the use of these dangerous alternatives to illegal drugs and alcohol. Nonetheless, parents and others concerned with the safety of young people do well to understand trends in the use of legal and easily accessed intoxicants. Information can help parents and others detect dangerous substance abuse and, just as importantly, engage their teen with accurate information and informed concern.
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This website is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical, psychiatric, or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider for any questions you may have regarding a medical or psychological condition.